Martial Arts Terminology
Aikido
A martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy
without hurting him. Unless of course his does not know
how to ukemi in which case he has his wrist broken in
about 20 places.
Arnis
"Harness of the hand." A Filpino martial art, also known as Eskrima and
Kali, centering around stick, blade and empty hand
combat. Mispronunciation of the art guarantees a quick taste.
Bo
A stick.
Bokken
A stick that looks like a sword.
Buddhism
A religious doctrine and a marketing tool to populate Asia
with statues of short fat bald men.
Chi
A biophysical energy generated through breathing techniques,
which in defying the laws of physics and the basic scientific
common sense, allows the user to develop super human
strength.
Dan
A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has
achieved the rank of at least first-degree black belt.
Darn
The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that
they will now get hit harder and more frequently during
training.
Dojo
"The place of the way." A training hall or gymnasium.
Very similar to a B & D parlor but without the mistress.
Hakama
A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't
really like to talk about it.
Iaido
"Way of the sword." The modern art of drawing the
samurai sword from its scabbard. A rather interesting
art developed around the principle of "look how big
mine is".
Judo
"Gentle way." A Japanese art where grown men roll around
cuddling each other without apparently doing any damage.
These men are often closet Hakama wearers.
Jujitsu
A lot like judo except that these boys like to inflict slightly
more damage. Tend to get very angry when accused of being Hakama wearers and often are heard saying "You gotta a big
mouth."
Karate
"Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of
this art is the destruction of wood and other natural
products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's
most wanted list. This art will be outlawed by most countries
by the turn of the century. Karate people enjoy pain, this is
shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips.
Kata
A series of prearranged maneuvers practiced in many of the
Oriental martial arts in order to avoid free sparring or anything
else that may involve pain.
Katana
A sharp metal stick.
Kendo
A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other
with sticks and making in-human sounds. Could be a cult ??
Kung Fu
A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts.
Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals.
Many students of Praying Mantis spend years attempting to
obtain the other 4 legs while students of Monkey Kung-fu
tend to find themselves being carted off by men in white
lab coats.
Master
A title bestowed on a martial artist who has attained
advanced rank after long years of study or has started
his own style after achieving kyu grades in at least
4 arts, or has completed the "Become a Master
by Video" course available for only $19.95 per month.
Naginata
A stick with a sharp bit on the end.
Ninja
A rather confused individual who likes sneaking around
at night in his pajamas.
Ninjutsu
The art of being confused and sneaking around in your
pajamas
Sparring
Bashing each other senseless in the hope that nobody realizes
that you don't know any kata or techniques.
Tae Kwon Do
An unusual martial art that relies on its followers to have the
flexibility of a professional ballet dancer.
Tai Chi Chuan:
Another unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving
very slowly for many years. The drawback being that by
the time you develop the ultimate power you are close to death
anyway.
Tatami
"Straw mat." A mat usually measuring three by six feet and three
inches thick (with bound straw inside.) Original purpose to
prevent blood stains on the wooden floor.
Three sectional staff
Three sticks linked together.
Zen
The discipline of enlightenment related to the Buddhist doctrine that
emphasizes meditation, discipline, and the direct transmission of
teachings from master to student. Mostly taught by rather old
and confused monks who have had one too many rocks fall on
their heads during waterfall meditation. Works best when sitting
in a cave facing a wall for 10 years or so.
|
Supply Stores